This life of mine

This life of mine
Is so very convoluted confusing and crushing to the spirit at times. So here I am contemplating giving the time of day to someone and (for lack of any other way of putting it) folks think I am lowering my standards and accepting just that- a lower standard. I was having a discussion with TRS about dude and she literally is like OMG you cannot cannot do this [to her defense I was contemplating just giving it up and turning it loose because I think I want just that *but I really know I want all that other stuff around that* & I was contemplating just hearing him out to see what he has to say as a friend.] Her reasoning is

1. I cannot separate my emotions from the actual act sine I am who I am and she definitely does not see why I am even contemplating this.
2. knowing how he feels about things in life and what he wants is so not even a dirty mirror to what I want..hence WHY am i still thinking about it??
3. of course I have the ability to see the 'good' in people beyond who they are and that is what i am working with not necessarily who they are right now which is a dangerous practice since dude is clearly showing up one way-- am i actually willing to accept that

Of concern:

• the pace at which these declarations are happening (not love by any means, but intrigue and desire) [mutually *gasp*]
  
• primarily that he wants a wife sooner rather than later (his words)
  
• he wants to get to know me of course but all in all he wants to have person (wife/ me) all to himself,
• he does not want kids,
  
• does not want to hang out with family or get to know friends
  
• and truly does not trust other people but would be willing to trust me.
• lives with an ex
• has trust issues
• he is 'selfish' <--my diagnosis cause some of the things he says is just that, what he want, what he desires, his goals/ his plan- whatever-->
  
• he wants to f* the blank outta me and make me orgasm a minimum of 4 times (I SOO cleaned that line up as best I could- y'all get the point)
  

He did concede to 'meet' grandma if that means so much to me but beyond that he would not stop me from being with my family/ friends but he won't be there in it.

Now if you know me you know that 'some of them things' [read: MOST of em minus one or two] bother me- specifically we'll tackle the family/ friends thing. I depend on the insaneness of the fam/ friends as integral part of my life. My blood family (what I have left of em) in their many varied ways & my extended friend/family network support and love and drive me crazy simultaneously. Now,one thing I get is when you start dating and discovery of someone there is change in the normalcy of your routine. Sometimes you have to make compromises with your resources, money and time in order to make it all work... the balancing act. I mean it is the same way when you are working in a new shoe- yes one hopes for the perfect fit right off the bat, something you can chill in all day, that you love & that your peeps love too- but no one wants to see the same shoes every day, and sometimes (when working in said shoe) it takes some time to get comfortable, get adjusted to the way it supports you, arches your back (possibly) and rubs your pinky toe (too far? OK i think i digressed...)
I do understand (way way waaaay down the line) when two folks get married or whatever there is a 'cleaving unto husband/ leaving family' aspect (check yo Bible for specifics...) . I respect that but dude... really? No intermingling with the fantastic family & fabulous friends (and conversely vice versa--never to meet his peoples etc). Really? I am not the freak of the week where you can only been seen (or not) seen with me under the cover of night or where no one can bear witness to a WE.

and this is just one issue....

so there are more more more things to write but my head is fuzzy and thoughts keep prancing in and out -spun like a cotton loom trying to get it together here.

Oh this is definitely one for therapy,,,,
more soon come!