Jonathan

a few nights ago i had a dream about this man named Jonathan. why do i know the name? cause apparently he was my husband and he had 2 young age kids (a girl about 6 and a boy about 2) whom I was expected to care for in some capacity. Well there was this discussion with grandma & a few of my good friends in my grandmas living room about our marriage (yeah i was his wife- did I mention that?) and why I was not performing my wifely duties (??) inclusive of sex with him. Now, he was a tall dark-skinned, fit & sexy man who was fairly attractive in my dream- so WHY WOULDN'T I WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM?? I know in some capacity I was tending to the children and they are well cared for; but right before I went into the inquiry my boss was there (in the kitchen walking towards the hallway) saying something about most people try to use the defense/ excuse of death/ mourning as not to move on. I said to her (with a slightly guilty feeling & attitude to boot) well that is not me, I am not most people.
We head into the living room & he speaks first- speaking to the room of folks gathered to listen to this. He says a few things like he works hard (which I agreed that he does) & he 'loves' me but I don't let him in & how he will try harder to make this work and be more sensitive to me?? Everyone waits for him to finish and he says to prove his point he will sign this contract with me.
Grandma hands him a pen and then looks at me to start my story. I start by saying I am not sure of what to do. (period) One friend (T) says in what way? I say I have no one to show me how to take care of these 2 little kids or how to be a married woman. I go on to say I am scared of everything involved here: being with him in a marriage, being a mother to kids that are not mine, having sex, making a life...I just don't know what I need to do here.
Everyone in the room shakes their head to agree to that (like they know something) and I am like so what does this mean?
Oh, I am looking at Johnathan as I was saying all this and he seemed sympathetic & concerned in my dreams but:

• what the hell does this mean?
• am I STILL holding back because of previous incidents & afraid to move on?
  
• why am I confused?
• am I afraid to have sex (gasp!)
  
• and really, the man of my dreams comes with 2 small kids that I have to be a mother to?
• are dreams an insight to your soul or just random thoughts that run thru your head freely at night cause truly some of the dreams I have had are questionable....

sigh, what's a girl to do?