Jan 7 5:41 pm
Someone told me that I decided that life was gonna be hard and that I decided to struggle. And with that knowledge I kept up the facade- life is hard/ therefore i struggle/then I get defeated/ then I repeat. What makes me want to stay in the struggle as oppose to just give up? Who or what am I struggling against? Could it be that i am struggling against GOD's will that I don't struggle against his Divine blessing and just be blessed? Shan't I live in abundance and know that I am enough. I am enough to be cherished like I am and loved like I am and be me. Me is not that hard. Me is simplistic complexity. I know that is an oxymoron of words but really I am like a controlled chaos chasing calamity or clarity (whichever comes first). Trust me it is not that hard yet everyday I choose to struggle. I struggle with who i am what am i doing/ who am i meant to be with?/ why am i alone?/ why does she have someone?/ why don't he love me?/ hell why don't i love me?/ mainly to struggle with the understanding of who I am in this wide wide world and what is my purpose and is anything I am currently doing supporting that purpose. Who can answer that question but me? Who can let me know that hey gal you are right where you are meant to be right when you need to be and right where you are suppose to be. Right now... not later& with no regrets. No regrets which is a thing in and of itself....
sigh, this is what happens when i eat, pray & look for love. (not the book, but the bean version...)
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